Saturday 13 October 2012

Iamsterdam

What a crazy month it has been.  A rollercoaster of emotions and events that has left me sure of what I want to do for the future, and where I want to be.  So much has happened, that it is best to take it from the Magneet........

I never thought it was possible to live of cheese toasties, wine, beer and drugs for 6 weeks, but it was.  It comes at a massive cost to your body though, and I felt empty and tired.  I had no drive or energy to stay at the festival once the final weekend was over, and I was anxious to see if I had got this job in the French Alps.  I had borrowed a bike off Raymond and I left for the city to get online and check my email.  The sand had destroyed all my shoes, I was a stone lighter, and felt dirty all over.  I looked like a tramp, and many people commented on this.  I had been sleeping on a couch in the lounge, or outside underneath the stars for the last 6 weeks, and the city was a sharp change of scenery.  It was also howling with powerful wind and rain.  I had nowhere to sleep and just wanted to curl up and rest for a thousand years.  I logged on in the library and as soon as I seen my email, I knew I didn't get the job.  I was right, after going in there and giving them everything I had, they didn't want me.  I remember telling them that I know that if I don't get the job, it is because it is part of a greater plan that I may not fully understand, but accept.  I had to swallow and take my own advice, and know that however disappointed I was, it was because life has a different plan for me.  At the interview I was running on energy I didn't know I had, a 12 hour cramped bus ride from Amsterdam to London, should have shattered me.  But I walked for 4 hours trying to find a guitar shop, then went in to this interview full of energy and dtermination to spend my winter playing music in the alps.  They must have thought 'Who the fuck is this loon'?  My friend Bart made the perfect analysis that I was just like Spud from Trainspotting who goes to his interview on speed.  Haha, looking back he got that spot on.  Though I wasn't on speed, just determination that that job was mine.....

Feeling empty, tired, knowing I had nowhere to sleep, and then being told I didn't get a job I was so sure I was getting, hit me hard.  I felt fucking low man!  Cato, who has been so determined I should stay in Amsterdam was a lifeline I massively needed.  She has a garden, and I was able to sleep in the shed and rest a little.  She also did so much to lift my spirits and help me realise that Amsterdam wants me.  And over the next few weeks, my experiences in the city helped me realise that too.  It is like the city is alive, and she opens up to me in ways that make me feel like I am in the Truman Show or something.  A raincloud that rains over just one spot, or the church bells that play in key to the songs I sing on her bridges and more events that I will come to shortly.  The low feeling lasted for 12 days, and in that time I made a million plans, my head was all over the place, first I was going to Ireland, then to Berlin, then to Switzerland.  I just felt I wanted something but I didn't know what.  I was going to sell my recording gear, and my busking amp and get a ticket to somewhere.  Those 12 days were the most challenging I have ever felt.  I felt so alone, I felt I failed on my part to bring a bit of Liverpool to the Magneet, and ended up losing some friends over it.  The more I felt I wanted to leave, the more the city looked after me and helped me pick myself up....

I have felt like a true Amsterdamster since I have been here, and that is down to a few very kind, and special friends I have here.  Bart, who I mentioned a little has been a massive part of that.  Last year at the Magneet, I felt he was like a protective soul who was always going out of his way to help me.  Be it from doing my ditrty washing after weeks of camping in the sand, taking a big group of us to his or his brothers house close by to get a shower and feel human again.  Making sure we would get something to eat, and getting me a caravan to sleep in when it felt like my back had been broken.  He would run the Magneet bar with his shining bright colourful character (he has the best collection of bright shoes and pimps jackets that make my bright socks look grey!)  And during the shift, he would say to me 'Çolin!  Grab your guitar and get on top of the bar to play!' So I would, and then he would go round with his hat to collect some money for me, cos he knew I had nothing.  After a month at the Magneet, he 'adopted' me and I spent a few days at his house in the West.  Watching films on the projector with his girlfriend, all in our pyjamas eating popcorn and I had a much needed rest in a real bed.  I remember after a shift at the bar, we went to the teepee to play round the campfire, and someone had tried to grab my guitar and pretend to put it on the fire, and Bart screamed at them!  Hey, what the fuck ya doin man!  This is what I mean by protective soul.  But it's not as if he has to try to be this way.  He is just naturally.  As much as there are people in the world who go out of the way to hurt you, there are just as many Barts who will go out of their way to help you, because they are made of the good stuff in life.  He has his own business that translates into English as 'I'll Take Care' and he spends his time with kids who have behavour problems and ADHD, by helping them with their homework, taking them to football matches and theme parks, and being a good positive and helping influence in their life.  He is a proud Amsterdamster and his house has also been my home for a large part of my stay here this year.  I got in touch with him when I was arriving in Amsterdam this year, without me even having to ask, he gave me a set of keys, let me use his girlfriends bike, let me make my home in his spare room, and just opened his home to me and allowed me to really feel like an Amsterdamster.  He spends summers travelling around, going to lots of festivals and really enjoying life with his girlfriend and friends, so I had the place to myself for a large part, and I felt like I was living like a Prince. 

After sleeping in Cato's shed, I was able to stay at his for a few days again and just start recharging my batteries.  I felt so weak and unsure and empty.  I am usually an energetic, passionate and confident person, but I was the polar oppositte  for these 12 days.  I accepted it though, I know that extreme highs are followed by extreme lows, and this adventure has been filled with massive highs.  I had been out of the busking mode, and was trying to get myself back in the swing.  I left Barts one morning and went to the bridge in Vondel Park, I was playing 'Holes in The Souls'and I started crying as I was singing the words. (It got 3 drops immediately though) I always want to try and really feel the lyrics to the songs I sing, that is why my repatoire is purely selfish to the songs that I love and that have reached me with their message.

It may sound strange, but I feel the city is reflecting my moods and  feelings.  The weather was stormy, cold and cloudy and I really felt the season change.  In the 8 months I have spent here, I have never seen one bike accident, but during my low time over a few days I seen 3 crashes involving kids, a motorbike crash, and a few other ugly sites that seemed to reflect my mood.  I was starting to worry I was causing these crashes.  But my spirits were getting lifted bit by bit, Bart had given me a warm wooly jumper, a big coat and scarf and we recorded a video of me singing Dutch christmas songs.  Cato has also been helping massively and had taken me to an artists squat in the East for a jam night.  I met some great people there, and have got 2 gigs lined up through the contacts I made there.  I have also started building my own business as a mobile recording studio, and have 2 jobs lined up this week.  But for the last month, I have been busking and playing heavily......

I have always played at my favourite bridge, people would stop and ask me why I play there, as it is not a great spot.  But I always tell them that I like it here, I can see the moon go from once side of the canal to the other, and even though there are lots of cars that go past, it still has a relative quiet.  Plus, I like the fact that people see a busker where they don't expect it.  So they can say, I walked past this quiet street, and seen some guy singing his heart out on a bridge.  I was there again one night when I had an experience that made me realise it's time to upgrade to a better spot.....

I had just played for an hour of my upbeat songs, that always go down well.  When I had just started my minor set, and 6 drunken Checkelslovakians came up to me and cornered me, shouting this drunken bile aggresive language.  This big fat mongoloid looking one came to the side of me and I was trappped between them all.  My eyes changed and I screamed at them to get the fuck away you idiots, don't ruin the city, enjoy it!!!!  One of them stated taking his pants down to poo in my guitar case, while the fat one at the side had his hand in my coins. I pushed him out the way and said 'GET THE FUCK AWAY NOW!!!!' They started to leave, so I bent down to pick my money up and one of the fat Mongoloid ones stole my hat from my head, then ran off.  So I said, right.....I packed my guitar, grabbed my money and ran after them.  As I was approaching a bike taxi hit the one with my hat, so I got to him, ripped it off his head, and said.  You fuckwit, my girlfriend gave me that hat.  You sad pathetic waste of human flesh.  He started to walk after me, and I really lost it.  I screamed right in his face to get out of my sight you shit stain.  They backed off, cos I was really fucking angry. I went for a joint to calm down And felt it was the cities way of telling me I needed a new spot.  But I felt like the city helped me, with that taxi hitting the guy and all.  Just feel like this city is alive, and it wants me to stay here.

I thought OK, lets go back to the very first bridge I busked at, and maybe it will give me some clue to where to go next.  I stood there and thought, then decided to follow the lights, it took me all the way to Waterlooplein and I was engulfed by the quietness of the place.  Is it too quiet to play I thought?  And then right then, a rush of theatre goers and tourists started flooding by, I thought this is the perfect spot!  It looked like a stage after soundcheck, the quietness of the club, and the venue.  I went back the next day, and made 20 euroes in less than an hour, drew a crowd and felt I had found my new spot.  It was like the city was saying to me Çolin, I love the way you sing your heart out in my streets, it adds a beautiful tone to my air, but it is wasted here now.  You are getting much better, and I have a much better place for you.'  Those fat Checks had all been part of the plan to make me find this new spot and really become a full time street musician.

I am doing 3 or 4 sessions a day, and really understanding the different peak times of each spot I play.  Vondel Park bridge in the day, Waterlooplein early evening - Jointje - Then the tourist nectar of Leidseplein in the late evening.  I have been making between 30 and 60 Euroes a day, and have been able to buy myself all little bits I have needed, a couple of snazzy jackets from the second hand store, a pair of big leather boots, a new compass, got my guitar refurbished (I was breaking 3 strings a day) a water bottle, bought a few little presents for people, a speedomater and distance calculater for my bike, (infact I have pimped out my bike beautifully.)  He is called trigger (cos the bell is in he trigger position) and he is now painted a smooth black, with a gel seat cover, a saddlebag, and a few other little touches that make me proud to own my first pimped Dutch bike. (It is the bike I borrowed from Raymond, he let me keep it!)  I woke up one morning, and said 'I am gonna get a paid gig today'.......

I was busking the late spot at Waterlooplein, it was raining a little and I was shivering as I was playing.  But the drop rate for the people who walk past is so high.  I think 50/60 % of the people who walk past give a generous drop.  They just dont expect to see some guy singing his heart out under s street lamp with hardly anyone around.  I was so cold and decided to call it a night.  I went past this place that seemed to have live music coming from it.  So, I went down to investigate to see if I could play a gig there.  The lad stopped me at the door and said it was a private party, I said 'Oh I was just looking to get a gig'.  They said, OH, you a musician, come play for us!  I said sure bloody thing!  They were relentlessly giving me beers and cigarettes and I tuned up and sung my bloody heart out!  They loved it, they were saying how randomly crazy it was for someone to just come in from the streets and play like that.  They gave me lots of beer and love, and asked if they could book me for tomorrow night for a party.  I said of course!  You just make a donation to how much you wanna pay.  I went back the next night to play for this party (turns out it is a student fraternity house, with 3 floors and some of the elite of the higher schooling system all live there)  I made 50 euroes for playing 5 songs and they said I could crash there anytime.  I told them about my love for this city, that I have just been busking in the cold, to come in to this place and feel such warmth makes me truly blessed.

My local coffee shop is called Solo, on the Korte Konings Straat in Nieuwe Markt, I love it there.  Guys play dominos and backgammon as smoke fills the air, and music plays.  Sometimes songs come on that I think are like the soundtrack to my life.  There was this really melancholy instrumental one playing, and as the guys chatted in Dutch, playing dominos it felt like I was in a film.  I am well received there, and always get a handshake and a warm welcome.  After me and Cato had been busking we went in there for a smoke, a guy called Fonz De Bay started asking us if we would play in there.  I was fixing a string so Cato got the accordian out.  What followed was the most beautiful moment I have felt in the place.  People started joining in and trapping and freestyling, and people who were to shy to sing at the start, by the end were singing the heart out.  People came from outside just to sit in and listen.  I got my guitar out, and it was one of the most beautiful spntaneous jams I have ever had.  I have always wondered why there isnt more live music in coffee shops, as weed and music are a great combo, I felt I wanted to bring music to the coffee shops when I first arrived last year, and that night I did.  It was a beautiful experience and has really bonded me with the locals.  Eric, sat down with me a week later and we had this very strange chat.  It's like he knew everything about me and what I was going through.  I can't recount the conversation as it would sound just silly in text format.  But it felt like something from the Matrix that just made perfect sense to me.  I will just say that he said 'Once you decide to stay in the city, she opens up to you more and more quickly, as she truly is a magical city'.  I fully believe this..........

I suppose the moral of this long rambling story is that I am glad I didn't get the job in the alps, can you imagine me having to learn shit songs to play to drunken rich kids.  Nah, that aint the journey I am on.  I am on a different path, and that path is Amsterdam for the forseeable future.  I feel I have a role to play here, it's like the city wants me and is doing her best to make me stay.  I shall not fight it.  As I write this, I have a 3 gigs lined up over the next 2 weeks, 2 recording jobs, I am halfway through recording Cato's album with her (it's sounding fucking lekker) And I am in love with the most beautiful girl in the world (But that chapter is private, and just for she and I to write and enjoy)






Monday 1 October 2012

The King of The Kups

I wrote this blog about 5 weeks into the Magneet festival.  I was angry, and felt let down and a little distant from the festival.  I am still going to post it though, because like songs, it's good to keep things in their emotional state, so you can look back and learn......

The King of The Kups

It has been more than a month since I went back to the Magneet terrain to start building the lounge with Ron and to get ready for a party I felt would be like no other.  Some of the fondest memories of my partying and traveling life came from this place last year and I was eager to meet up with all the old faces again, but this time bring a lot more of Liverpool to the place......

It has been an incredible experience yet again, but in many different ways.  The good times have come from bonding with Ron, and learning how a master really creates something special.  The parties we have had in the lounge and the people I have met.  But I have a completely different experience with the organisation.  Any entity that is run completely on a voluntary basis, brings with it a certain chaos that I felt has made what I have tried to bring to the festival a lot harder, and ruined relationships with the bands I have asked to come over and play...

The sun shines like a desert drain, the landscape is bare apart from the few tents and constructions that have been their since the keys to the dykes were handed over.  I arrive with Greg, a manic depressant who I met in Paris.  After pulling him around on Roller skates because he refused to sort himself a bike out, we see Ron just unpacking the lounge.  I tell Greg, that this place is a chance to prove yourself, if you work hard, and put your heart into it, it will be appreciated with the best party and atmosphere you could wish for. I made some good friends here last time, and since returning, they have helped me to really live and feel like an Amsterdamster.  His head wasn’t in the right place for Amsterdam though, or heavy physical labour, and he lasted a few hours before getting a ride straight back to France.  I was in the mood for getting stuck in though, and building something special with Ron....

Ron is one of those rare beautiful, care free and creative genius souls in this world that I always find I get on well with.  Someone who gets things done, and is straight, strong and to the point.  As well being a brilliant artist with no organisation skills and a curse of losing everything he tries so hard not to.  He has a vision like no other, and finds the most perfect use for things you would walk past in the street.  His place is a finely decorated work of art, and every touch has been placed there for positivity.  The ambience combed and styled with a fine tooth comb, junk and scrap all given a stylish part to play in the decoration of what is the most luxurious place in a festival on the sands.  Its like stepping into a VIP night club.  Ron, as the builder of this wonder, looks with pride as the room is full of people dancing and enjoying this living work of art we call ‘The Lounge’.

I start to help in any way I can, it is hard to understand how all the bits work and the systems and process for building it.  But I do whatever I can and learn a great deal along the way.  Me and Ron have very big personalities, and we are quite similar in a lot of ways, but we don’t clash (often) and act like an old couple and good strong partnership.  We look after eachother, because we feel we are the outcasts of the festival.  We were told that we were the ‘pain the arse’ of the place, which hurts a lot when we think about how much work and love we tried to put into what we created.  We are both completely broke, with massive debts behind us, we came to the festival even though the fee kept getting reduced from the original agreement and more was being asked of us for less.  We were promised to be looked after with food and drink, and be given a cut of the beer sold from our place, but yet again, things were made harder for us, and it seemed every promise was getting broken and I was starting to feel guilty eating the meals there, because of the way they screamed at Yolande, who is Rons dear friend who painted all the lounge and sorted the kitchen out.  Made her feel like she didn’t have the right to eat a meal like the volunteers or sip a beer without guilt like the organisers and staff do.  She was told to sit there and wait until Ron came back, just looking at a meal going cold.  Thats when I started to taste the coldness of the atmosphere and the brutal grip on every penny a young festival must have to survive.

Last year the festival was a failure and calamity in many ways.  Massive debts were created and big hard lessons learned.  It had its great moments for the people involved, who still partied hard and went through an incredible experience together.  The feeling of being together with everyone last year is what made it so special.  But this year, I have felt very isolated from the Magneet and been given a very different experience.

The man behind Magneet is Jesse, a bright shining crazy soul in this world, who gives all or nothing on what he believes in.  His ego can make him do some fucked up stuff when he is partying, but everyone seems to just accept it because it’s Jesse, and that’s the way he is.  I don’t know what he did before the Magneet Bar, but he I hear he is an artist of some kind, or film maker.  He could be doing a million things or nothing.  But his bright coloured clothes and boyish smile and character just tell you that he is one of those creative crazy types. 

Legend has it, the Magneet bar started at the biggest festival in Holland, Lowlands.  Jesse from his tent gave beers away to people who would come and perform or play a few songs at the party he would throw.  This then grew into a bar, with the same party ethos.  I hear tales of legendary secret parties through tunnels made in caravans that would lead to the special party Jesse was throwing.  After years at Lowlands, feeling detached from the changes and growth it had been through, he decided to throw his own festival.  The idea became a big reality, and big lessons were learned on how insanely massive a job putting on a festival for 3000 people really is. 

This year, it has sold out almost every day, it looks like the debts have been cleared and they may start making some money.  I am so happy for them, but feel a little sad as me and Ron have been the grey area of the festival.  Not given clarity on what we were doing or selling, noone seems to know how to deal with us.  We are between a stage and sound setup that the festival has hired for their use, but paid nothing in the amount that even gets close to costs and labour, but then not allowing us to sell what we wish, or be able to cash our coins in to get some more supplies for the toasties in.  We are in a limbo, broke, worked solidly hard and helped the festival massively in the last month, and feel so unappreciated it makes the memories of Magneet a little bitter.

How do you put on a festival, with no money and just debts behind you?  It has been a massive challenge for the Magneet, but they have succeeded it seems.  First of all you create your own economy, your own currency that you have complete control over.  Then you ask 30% of all takings from all stalls, and charge them a hundred euroes a day for being there.  As long as you can fill the place up, it should balance itself out and everyone should get a payday from the work they put in.  There is nothing sadder than building the ultimate party, and noone shows up.

This year they made sure they filled the place up, and have had a hand in everyones takings.  Even the kids who collect the unwanted plastic cups, have been offered deals for a cut of their takings.  Flitz, who is the very bright son of Dani, got taken to one side and was offered the title ‘The King of the Cups’ if he would give them 50 cents from each cup (worth 1e25) and they would make it so it was only he who could change the cups in for money.  He responded ‘I am already a king’ and rejected their offer. 

I am so happy for the Magneet, and everyone involved that it has been such a success, and again, I have some wonderful memories of jamming around a campfire as a pale moon on a clear sky shines down on the dykes.  I am glad that I got to experience the festival from a different perspective.  I now see how chaotic a task it is to run something of this magnitude.  I have had my lows and have felt like just leaving at times, because of the criss cross decisions that change almost every hour, or being passed off to one person after another to try and find some answers for your problems.  But on the whole, I will take away good memories from the place, just very different from the last time.

I regret trying to bring a piece of Liverpool to the place, by asking bands I know to come and play.  It was a big expense for them to come over, and they got lost in the chaos of the organisation not knowing what was happening in terms of schedule or stage times and what ‘The Lounge’ was being used for. 

Tomorrow the final weekend starts, and I feel in a much better place now, than when I started writing this a few days ago.  It is good to get things off your chest, and not to let the frustration a place like this will cause you to bubble up with.  I love all the people involved and I am proud of what they (and we) have achieved.  Maybe next year, I will have a completely different experience again.  Infact, I am quite sure.......

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