Iamsterdam

What a crazy month it has been.  A rollercoaster of emotions and events that has left me sure of what I want to do for the future, and where I want to be.  So much has happened, that it is best to take it from the Magneet........

I never thought it was possible to live of cheese toasties, wine, beer and drugs for 6 weeks, but it was.  It comes at a massive cost to your body though, and I felt empty and tired.  I had no drive or energy to stay at the festival once the final weekend was over, and I was anxious to see if I had got this job in the French Alps.  I had borrowed a bike off Raymond and I left for the city to get online and check my email.  The sand had destroyed all my shoes, I was a stone lighter, and felt dirty all over.  I looked like a tramp, and many people commented on this.  I had been sleeping on a couch in the lounge, or outside underneath the stars for the last 6 weeks, and the city was a sharp change of scenery.  It was also howling with powerful wind and rain.  I had nowhere to sleep and just wanted to curl up and rest for a thousand years.  I logged on in the library and as soon as I seen my email, I knew I didn't get the job.  I was right, after going in there and giving them everything I had, they didn't want me.  I remember telling them that I know that if I don't get the job, it is because it is part of a greater plan that I may not fully understand, but accept.  I had to swallow and take my own advice, and know that however disappointed I was, it was because life has a different plan for me.  At the interview I was running on energy I didn't know I had, a 12 hour cramped bus ride from Amsterdam to London, should have shattered me.  But I walked for 4 hours trying to find a guitar shop, then went in to this interview full of energy and dtermination to spend my winter playing music in the alps.  They must have thought 'Who the fuck is this loon'?  My friend Bart made the perfect analysis that I was just like Spud from Trainspotting who goes to his interview on speed.  Haha, looking back he got that spot on.  Though I wasn't on speed, just determination that that job was mine.....

Feeling empty, tired, knowing I had nowhere to sleep, and then being told I didn't get a job I was so sure I was getting, hit me hard.  I felt fucking low man!  Cato, who has been so determined I should stay in Amsterdam was a lifeline I massively needed.  She has a garden, and I was able to sleep in the shed and rest a little.  She also did so much to lift my spirits and help me realise that Amsterdam wants me.  And over the next few weeks, my experiences in the city helped me realise that too.  It is like the city is alive, and she opens up to me in ways that make me feel like I am in the Truman Show or something.  A raincloud that rains over just one spot, or the church bells that play in key to the songs I sing on her bridges and more events that I will come to shortly.  The low feeling lasted for 12 days, and in that time I made a million plans, my head was all over the place, first I was going to Ireland, then to Berlin, then to Switzerland.  I just felt I wanted something but I didn't know what.  I was going to sell my recording gear, and my busking amp and get a ticket to somewhere.  Those 12 days were the most challenging I have ever felt.  I felt so alone, I felt I failed on my part to bring a bit of Liverpool to the Magneet, and ended up losing some friends over it.  The more I felt I wanted to leave, the more the city looked after me and helped me pick myself up....

I have felt like a true Amsterdamster since I have been here, and that is down to a few very kind, and special friends I have here.  Bart, who I mentioned a little has been a massive part of that.  Last year at the Magneet, I felt he was like a protective soul who was always going out of his way to help me.  Be it from doing my ditrty washing after weeks of camping in the sand, taking a big group of us to his or his brothers house close by to get a shower and feel human again.  Making sure we would get something to eat, and getting me a caravan to sleep in when it felt like my back had been broken.  He would run the Magneet bar with his shining bright colourful character (he has the best collection of bright shoes and pimps jackets that make my bright socks look grey!)  And during the shift, he would say to me 'Çolin!  Grab your guitar and get on top of the bar to play!' So I would, and then he would go round with his hat to collect some money for me, cos he knew I had nothing.  After a month at the Magneet, he 'adopted' me and I spent a few days at his house in the West.  Watching films on the projector with his girlfriend, all in our pyjamas eating popcorn and I had a much needed rest in a real bed.  I remember after a shift at the bar, we went to the teepee to play round the campfire, and someone had tried to grab my guitar and pretend to put it on the fire, and Bart screamed at them!  Hey, what the fuck ya doin man!  This is what I mean by protective soul.  But it's not as if he has to try to be this way.  He is just naturally.  As much as there are people in the world who go out of the way to hurt you, there are just as many Barts who will go out of their way to help you, because they are made of the good stuff in life.  He has his own business that translates into English as 'I'll Take Care' and he spends his time with kids who have behavour problems and ADHD, by helping them with their homework, taking them to football matches and theme parks, and being a good positive and helping influence in their life.  He is a proud Amsterdamster and his house has also been my home for a large part of my stay here this year.  I got in touch with him when I was arriving in Amsterdam this year, without me even having to ask, he gave me a set of keys, let me use his girlfriends bike, let me make my home in his spare room, and just opened his home to me and allowed me to really feel like an Amsterdamster.  He spends summers travelling around, going to lots of festivals and really enjoying life with his girlfriend and friends, so I had the place to myself for a large part, and I felt like I was living like a Prince. 

After sleeping in Cato's shed, I was able to stay at his for a few days again and just start recharging my batteries.  I felt so weak and unsure and empty.  I am usually an energetic, passionate and confident person, but I was the polar oppositte  for these 12 days.  I accepted it though, I know that extreme highs are followed by extreme lows, and this adventure has been filled with massive highs.  I had been out of the busking mode, and was trying to get myself back in the swing.  I left Barts one morning and went to the bridge in Vondel Park, I was playing 'Holes in The Souls'and I started crying as I was singing the words. (It got 3 drops immediately though) I always want to try and really feel the lyrics to the songs I sing, that is why my repatoire is purely selfish to the songs that I love and that have reached me with their message.

It may sound strange, but I feel the city is reflecting my moods and  feelings.  The weather was stormy, cold and cloudy and I really felt the season change.  In the 8 months I have spent here, I have never seen one bike accident, but during my low time over a few days I seen 3 crashes involving kids, a motorbike crash, and a few other ugly sites that seemed to reflect my mood.  I was starting to worry I was causing these crashes.  But my spirits were getting lifted bit by bit, Bart had given me a warm wooly jumper, a big coat and scarf and we recorded a video of me singing Dutch christmas songs.  Cato has also been helping massively and had taken me to an artists squat in the East for a jam night.  I met some great people there, and have got 2 gigs lined up through the contacts I made there.  I have also started building my own business as a mobile recording studio, and have 2 jobs lined up this week.  But for the last month, I have been busking and playing heavily......

I have always played at my favourite bridge, people would stop and ask me why I play there, as it is not a great spot.  But I always tell them that I like it here, I can see the moon go from once side of the canal to the other, and even though there are lots of cars that go past, it still has a relative quiet.  Plus, I like the fact that people see a busker where they don't expect it.  So they can say, I walked past this quiet street, and seen some guy singing his heart out on a bridge.  I was there again one night when I had an experience that made me realise it's time to upgrade to a better spot.....

I had just played for an hour of my upbeat songs, that always go down well.  When I had just started my minor set, and 6 drunken Checkelslovakians came up to me and cornered me, shouting this drunken bile aggresive language.  This big fat mongoloid looking one came to the side of me and I was trappped between them all.  My eyes changed and I screamed at them to get the fuck away you idiots, don't ruin the city, enjoy it!!!!  One of them stated taking his pants down to poo in my guitar case, while the fat one at the side had his hand in my coins. I pushed him out the way and said 'GET THE FUCK AWAY NOW!!!!' They started to leave, so I bent down to pick my money up and one of the fat Mongoloid ones stole my hat from my head, then ran off.  So I said, right.....I packed my guitar, grabbed my money and ran after them.  As I was approaching a bike taxi hit the one with my hat, so I got to him, ripped it off his head, and said.  You fuckwit, my girlfriend gave me that hat.  You sad pathetic waste of human flesh.  He started to walk after me, and I really lost it.  I screamed right in his face to get out of my sight you shit stain.  They backed off, cos I was really fucking angry. I went for a joint to calm down And felt it was the cities way of telling me I needed a new spot.  But I felt like the city helped me, with that taxi hitting the guy and all.  Just feel like this city is alive, and it wants me to stay here.

I thought OK, lets go back to the very first bridge I busked at, and maybe it will give me some clue to where to go next.  I stood there and thought, then decided to follow the lights, it took me all the way to Waterlooplein and I was engulfed by the quietness of the place.  Is it too quiet to play I thought?  And then right then, a rush of theatre goers and tourists started flooding by, I thought this is the perfect spot!  It looked like a stage after soundcheck, the quietness of the club, and the venue.  I went back the next day, and made 20 euroes in less than an hour, drew a crowd and felt I had found my new spot.  It was like the city was saying to me Çolin, I love the way you sing your heart out in my streets, it adds a beautiful tone to my air, but it is wasted here now.  You are getting much better, and I have a much better place for you.'  Those fat Checks had all been part of the plan to make me find this new spot and really become a full time street musician.

I am doing 3 or 4 sessions a day, and really understanding the different peak times of each spot I play.  Vondel Park bridge in the day, Waterlooplein early evening - Jointje - Then the tourist nectar of Leidseplein in the late evening.  I have been making between 30 and 60 Euroes a day, and have been able to buy myself all little bits I have needed, a couple of snazzy jackets from the second hand store, a pair of big leather boots, a new compass, got my guitar refurbished (I was breaking 3 strings a day) a water bottle, bought a few little presents for people, a speedomater and distance calculater for my bike, (infact I have pimped out my bike beautifully.)  He is called trigger (cos the bell is in he trigger position) and he is now painted a smooth black, with a gel seat cover, a saddlebag, and a few other little touches that make me proud to own my first pimped Dutch bike. (It is the bike I borrowed from Raymond, he let me keep it!)  I woke up one morning, and said 'I am gonna get a paid gig today'.......

I was busking the late spot at Waterlooplein, it was raining a little and I was shivering as I was playing.  But the drop rate for the people who walk past is so high.  I think 50/60 % of the people who walk past give a generous drop.  They just dont expect to see some guy singing his heart out under s street lamp with hardly anyone around.  I was so cold and decided to call it a night.  I went past this place that seemed to have live music coming from it.  So, I went down to investigate to see if I could play a gig there.  The lad stopped me at the door and said it was a private party, I said 'Oh I was just looking to get a gig'.  They said, OH, you a musician, come play for us!  I said sure bloody thing!  They were relentlessly giving me beers and cigarettes and I tuned up and sung my bloody heart out!  They loved it, they were saying how randomly crazy it was for someone to just come in from the streets and play like that.  They gave me lots of beer and love, and asked if they could book me for tomorrow night for a party.  I said of course!  You just make a donation to how much you wanna pay.  I went back the next night to play for this party (turns out it is a student fraternity house, with 3 floors and some of the elite of the higher schooling system all live there)  I made 50 euroes for playing 5 songs and they said I could crash there anytime.  I told them about my love for this city, that I have just been busking in the cold, to come in to this place and feel such warmth makes me truly blessed.

My local coffee shop is called Solo, on the Korte Konings Straat in Nieuwe Markt, I love it there.  Guys play dominos and backgammon as smoke fills the air, and music plays.  Sometimes songs come on that I think are like the soundtrack to my life.  There was this really melancholy instrumental one playing, and as the guys chatted in Dutch, playing dominos it felt like I was in a film.  I am well received there, and always get a handshake and a warm welcome.  After me and Cato had been busking we went in there for a smoke, a guy called Fonz De Bay started asking us if we would play in there.  I was fixing a string so Cato got the accordian out.  What followed was the most beautiful moment I have felt in the place.  People started joining in and trapping and freestyling, and people who were to shy to sing at the start, by the end were singing the heart out.  People came from outside just to sit in and listen.  I got my guitar out, and it was one of the most beautiful spntaneous jams I have ever had.  I have always wondered why there isnt more live music in coffee shops, as weed and music are a great combo, I felt I wanted to bring music to the coffee shops when I first arrived last year, and that night I did.  It was a beautiful experience and has really bonded me with the locals.  Eric, sat down with me a week later and we had this very strange chat.  It's like he knew everything about me and what I was going through.  I can't recount the conversation as it would sound just silly in text format.  But it felt like something from the Matrix that just made perfect sense to me.  I will just say that he said 'Once you decide to stay in the city, she opens up to you more and more quickly, as she truly is a magical city'.  I fully believe this..........

I suppose the moral of this long rambling story is that I am glad I didn't get the job in the alps, can you imagine me having to learn shit songs to play to drunken rich kids.  Nah, that aint the journey I am on.  I am on a different path, and that path is Amsterdam for the forseeable future.  I feel I have a role to play here, it's like the city wants me and is doing her best to make me stay.  I shall not fight it.  As I write this, I have a 3 gigs lined up over the next 2 weeks, 2 recording jobs, I am halfway through recording Cato's album with her (it's sounding fucking lekker) And I am in love with the most beautiful girl in the world (But that chapter is private, and just for she and I to write and enjoy)