Bombs Away

Well, where to start.......At this moment I am back in my family home in Liverpool and realising why it is such a special and unique city.  My first night back, I made 50 quid in an hour busking, went to the best gigs in town and filled my heart up on the music that is the fabric of this great city.  It has been a crazy couple of months, and I wasnt sure if I was going to take the bus ride home, I was torn.  But I did, and I am glad.

I fell madly in love with a girl in Amsterdam.  She always asked me never to mention her on my diary blog, so for the sake of this chapter, lets call her Maud.  She is a special one.  A beautiful girl and a strong woman.  A fiery passionate heart, beatiful Auburn hair, and pale skin.  She was like a girl from those paintings from the 15th century.  Great taste in music, and is great at what she does in the art world.  Unfortunately, our lives started to pull away from eachother.  She goes all around the world with her job and life, and I am a street musician bum.  I wake up most days with no money in my pocket and have to go out and earn some food.  It is such an unpredictable life style that it was causing problems with us.  She wanted a bit of security that I couldn't give her.  A month ago we split up.

I am not going into all the reasons or things that caused it, but it left me hurt, empty, lost, alone and unsure even more about what to do with myself.  I hit the busking hard with Dominik.  He is a good friend, and the best busking buddy and business partner you could meet.  Plays the trumpet with every ounce of breath in him.  He has a busking permit and a portable PA and loop station.  We meet at his in the morning, eat some Polish goulash, drink a coffee then head out for a breakfast joint.  We play a 40 minute set, then wait an hour and a half to play again (The permit has set times we can play)  So we just spend the whole day, drinking Leffe blonds, and smoking lots of joints.  Last saturday we made 250 euroes (though we spent a hundred of it on food, smoke and beer)  But it was just what I needed though.

I kept thinking about what I wanted to do.  There was this pain in my heart and belly that just wouldn't go.  I missed Maud, I missed her so much.  It was like being so warm and cosy and happy, then someone rips the duvet off you in a flash, and you are cold, alone and miss the warmth. I was starting to feel detached from the songs I was singing, couldn't feel the lyrics anymore.  The key to busking, is really feeling the songs you are singing.  When I was playing, I had stopped feeling them.  It lasted 3 weeks, and then things started to feel better.  I knew it was getting better, because the 1st set me and Dominik did, I sung just like I used to.  Completely felt the songs again, and we made 70 euroes in half an hour.  I had booked a ticket, and was now starting to doubt wether I was going to take it.......

It was Queens Day, and we took the stuff out busking.  Our 3rd set was the winner.  We played right next to the Waterfront, and watched the party ships roll in, a big sea of Orange, and a big crowd had sat down to watch us play.  They were Woooing and loving it so much, and as we played 'Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay', the sun hit hard, the ships rolled in, and so did the money.  It was an amazing day, and I was so glad I stayed for it.  I was staying at this girls house, who I had been doing some recording with, and we had a good laugh together, the busking was good with Dominik, and the days that followed we made good money again.  (It goes so easilly though)  On the morning of my bus ride, I was staying, by 3pm I had decided it is best to go.  I raced back to Barts to get my stuff packed, he gave me a great pair of trainers as I had holes in the souls of all my others.  I smoked one big final joint and then headed to the East close to where the Magneet was and the bus was leaving from.  The perfect blue skies, were turning red, with a golden sun setting on the city I love so dearly.  I was still unsure fully wether to go.  But as soon as I got on the bus and the wheels started moving, I felt great.  I was excited to get back to Liverpool.  We took the ferry and I watched the sunrise come up over the English Channel.


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