Tuesday 26 August 2014

Tomorrow's never late.....

This last month I have been so intensely driven to making money that I have made bad decisions and lost friends and ended up reaching my lowest point this weekend. I have never been driven by money, and anyone who knows me will know this. But the one thing standing between me and my love is a chunk of money. If I had a chunk of money we can move on with our lives, hitch hike and tour around the whole of Ireland, get a place in Berlin for a month, have a nice cosy English Christmas and then head back to the Americas sort out some paperwork and record another little album and then tour all over there for a good year or so. Continue building on our great album we made and playing music and being together in love. 

This to me is heaven and all I want, and when I want something I want it bad and I get impatient. I busk and if I havent made enough after half an hour I start to get frustrated and pissed of and this is the wrong energy to have while busking. I just watch the sunny days pass and I wish Nizha was here more than anything. It's killing me, I had made a lot from busking and almost had it, I made a wrong decision and lost friends, time and money because I was so determined to make money. Strange one that.

But I'm feeling in a much better positive mindset after this lost weekend. When you do things for the love and not the money it has much better effects on you and what you do. The effects of being so focused on money just cause impatience, greed and dis satisfaction. Niz and I are getting a lot of setbacks lately, just when we think we have it, it gets taken away. But the hardest challenges in life reap the biggest rewards. And this time away from eachother is enough to make sure we are never apart again like this. Also, perhaps it has been our mindset of needing the money as fast as we can that has caused some of these setbacks.

Time is a constant motion of change. Like a 24 hour bus journey, you think the end wont come and you get frustrated cos you want it to be sooner than it is, but that just makes an unpleasant journey. But if you enjoy the ride, do your best with love and a smile and know that the moment will always arrive when you reach your destination, it makes it much more pleasant. My impateince has made me make bad decisions and I have learned hard lessons from it.

After feeling so broken and burned out this weekend, it's time to just keep a strong heart and smile and laugh and know that the motion of time will keep on keeping on and that Niz will be here soon, and we will be stronger than we ever have been.

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