A Different Journey

I walk through the door after my 4 day journey on planes trains and automobiles and step inside the family home.  I had reached the finish line, but I didn’t feel like I had won.  It started to feel like I had lost.  The beautiful green in the morning sunshine of Great Britain after the yellow of the desert just made me think of Niz, and how she would love it.  I felt good to be here, but this little seed of loss would grow and grow.  I had just spent a life changing 5 months in Argentina, making an album in the desert and falling so in love with Niz.  Now I’m back to where it all started, the old family house, the same view from the window.  I felt that I had just been through something incredible.  Something that made me feel so strong and fearless.

Two and a half months down the line, I am still here.  I was craving for a European summer and I got it.  But I would rather be in an Alaskan Winter as long as I am with Niz.  This time away from her has really made me sure of what I want and where I want to be.  I don’t care where I am, as long as it is with Niz.  I am never going to be apart from her like this again.  My whole time here has been spent on trying to get her here and missing her so much.  We are so close now, we nearly have the ticket money and we are going to go to Ireland, plan a little tour and hitch hike all over it.  It’s been a hard 2 months and it feels like it has been a journey itself!  I have been through so much, highs and lows making mistakes trying to reach the goal of getting money for Niz’s ticket.

I have never been driven by money primarily.  If you do things for the love, it shows its rewards in many other ways.  Also, you can’t really be money driven with busking.  You need to be happy with what you get and not expect too much.  I have learned a lot about myself in these 2 and a half months without my love.  I have learned that being away from her is horrible and no European summer can compare to just being close to Niz;  making music, making love, falling asleep with her in my arms, laughing and screaming at each other, all the great food she makes and us seeing the world together.

The busking has been harder than it ever was.  When you are so used to having your musical partner with you playing stunning violin and singing with you, to go back to playing on your own is a big step backwards.  Busking is always great when you have someone with you; someone to watch the stuff if you need a pee, or to get some beer.  But I got back into it alright, mainly because I had to.  I tried to enjoy the songs like I used to, and did to some degree, but nothing like I enjoyed playing with Niz.

Even though she is in Argentina, it’s like she was still with me.  Everyone who would come and talk to me while busking I would tell them how I am trying to make enough to get my wife here.   I would tell them all about the amazing gypsy violin lines she would play, how we made the best album of my life in the desert.  She was all I would talk about to anyone I met.  And they all believed in me, they knew I would get her here.  And now we are just a few pounds away from buying her ticket it feels great.  I have made a few mistakes along the road trying to get the money as fast as I can.

But that has all been part of this journey.  Though I am in my hometown, I have still learned a lot about myself here in the search to find a way to bring Nizha here.  I have made mistakes; I think I have learned that my bad side is my temper.  Though I don’t attack with fists, I attack with words.  I can really hurt people with things I say.  When I am hurt or feel insulted, I hit back hard.  There are times when I am talking to people in bars or on the streets I get a crowd of people listening to me.  I have a voice that booms and people seem to listen to it.  I speak with a passion about the things I have learned in life and my views about the world.  But you need to listen just as much as you speak.  Those who only speak without listening never grow more enlightened.  But those who listen, learn.

Since starting to write this chapter, we have now bought the ticket!  We reached our goal.  It feels great, and it feels like I can start to relax a little now.  Not get so worked up about making money and enjoy my busking.  It’s still hard without Niz, but knowing that she will be here in a couple of weeks bring a smile from cheek to cheek.  Thank you to everyone who has helped us in any way and believed in us.  We did it!!!!